I'm posting some notes from a moms' meeting a while ago when Sara Roth, a family and marriage therapist spoke to us. She said that when you focus on your marriage, it makes you a better parent.
Take time daily or at least weekly to refocus on your goals in life. What are the steps to reach that goal? Look at things that worked and see what you did right. Think about where your energies were focused today/this week...is that in sink with your goals?
When we focus on our marriage we gain because (among other things), it is a reciprocal relationship, cause and effect relationship.
The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman is a book that talks about various ways of displaying love and affection:
1. Acts of service (ex. doing the dishes)
2. Gifts of time
3. Gifts
4. Physical Affection
5. Verbal affection
You can figure out which language you speak by seeing what you are missing. If I had to choose one, which would it be?
Communication starts with:
1. Sharing of yourself
2. Recipient is listening. Reflective listening
Sit down and face each other to talk about something important. (Don't have an important conversation while you are doing dishes or reading a book.)
Tell your spouse specifically what you need. Doing so does not take away the need. (Some women feel that if they need to say it, then they don't need it anymore. This is not true. Our spouses are not mind readers and we need to tell them what we need.)
Our job is to improve ourselves. Your spouse and your children are uniquely suited to you and your personality. Garden of Emunah by Rabbi Shalom Arush discusses the concecpt that everything that happens to you is from G-d...it's not your spouse's fault. It is meant to happen to you. Then you can take away the blame and work through a problem.
Sara also shared handouts about "fair fighting" and conflict resolution. You can let me know if you want a copy.
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